When Daddy sings you to sleep...

So yesterday like sucked.

I had like 5 emotional breakdowns and spent the whole day shaking- like basically a panic attack or stress thing.

it sucked.

and i realized why. Its because all the reality is sinking in. and its hard.

its like i have to grieve for what im losing. at the old me would never have felt anything. she would said smile and nod and moved on. but its okay, cuz id rather feel like this then go back to the numbness and anger.

and then last night before i went to bed, i went outside and just said, god speak to me. i need a hug...

and he did. like he just spoke to me so much about how he is my father. adn i lookewd back in my life and thought of my memories with my birth dad and how preious those memories are to me and god was like :::im there, too.::: .::those are my big arms holding you:::

and in some ways, satan is trying to tell me that because im growing up, ill lose my Dad, because i will have to be strong again, like the old days. and god is like ::no, i nevr will leave and i never have:::

and then i just felt this peace, and just secure in the midst of it all....

and then i went to bed and slept so good.....

he never leaves.

no matter what.