So much on the mind, its taken a while to get back here...
Well, its weird so many things that have happened in the last few days. im I'm still processing it all....
But its crazy everything that God has been speaking to me about. Last night i got together with Nikki and we had a very intense discussion about Church- THE church. And i left the conversation with mixed feelings. First of all, i felt this huge feeling of desperation and helplessness. You know in the movies, wehre the heroine is standing there, held by chains or people, and in slow motion you see her true love be beaten or killed, and shes just screaming, but can't move. thats how i feel. I see all these people who are simply caught in the trap, who don't see it, and im watching them be destroyed physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And i see taht the opening starts in their own hearts. their own need for ::A Ministry:: their need for acceptance and position, their fear of not having a platform to share their thoughts. A fear of rejection...
and it breaks my heart. Not that i think im better, or to say that i dont feel those same feelings, cuz i do. And im constatntly struggling with them....
And all i can think to do is love. to try and bless in the midst of all the cursing, and to speak life in the death. As we began to pray about this, god spoke to me and was like :::sarah, pray for light to overcome, pray against the bad, but in the sense that the GOOD would overcome.:::
and its so interesting, because so many times, we fight against the bad, we wage war on the demons and we rebuke the enemy. How many times do we simply be the people who usher in the presence of God? Do we lead the battle with praise or simply come out of the gate fighting and 10 minutes into it fall down exhausted and depressed... Would our prayers change if we danced before the throne of God and praised Him for the light and restoration that is in his heart regardless of if we see it or not?
Interesting thoughts...
funny thing. in the middle of the night, i had a nightmare adn satan attacked me hardcore with fear. Honestly, i was scared shitless. But then god reminded me that the battle is not mine and all i need to do is simply ask him to fight it for me, then rest in His peace. rest in faith, knowing he will protect me. And i did, i said, Father, you are stronger than this, and you are with me and will protect me. and then i rolled over nd fell asleep in like 5 minutes, after being scared for like half hour. Crazy how big our god is, huh?
OH! and then last night, i was thinking about soemthing, and was like::: god, i need confirmation...::: and at work i had like two random conversations with people totally confirming and encouraging me in the decision i felt to take.... more to come on that later....
anyways, god is amazing. thats all there is to it.
But its crazy everything that God has been speaking to me about. Last night i got together with Nikki and we had a very intense discussion about Church- THE church. And i left the conversation with mixed feelings. First of all, i felt this huge feeling of desperation and helplessness. You know in the movies, wehre the heroine is standing there, held by chains or people, and in slow motion you see her true love be beaten or killed, and shes just screaming, but can't move. thats how i feel. I see all these people who are simply caught in the trap, who don't see it, and im watching them be destroyed physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. And i see taht the opening starts in their own hearts. their own need for ::A Ministry:: their need for acceptance and position, their fear of not having a platform to share their thoughts. A fear of rejection...
and it breaks my heart. Not that i think im better, or to say that i dont feel those same feelings, cuz i do. And im constatntly struggling with them....
And all i can think to do is love. to try and bless in the midst of all the cursing, and to speak life in the death. As we began to pray about this, god spoke to me and was like :::sarah, pray for light to overcome, pray against the bad, but in the sense that the GOOD would overcome.:::
and its so interesting, because so many times, we fight against the bad, we wage war on the demons and we rebuke the enemy. How many times do we simply be the people who usher in the presence of God? Do we lead the battle with praise or simply come out of the gate fighting and 10 minutes into it fall down exhausted and depressed... Would our prayers change if we danced before the throne of God and praised Him for the light and restoration that is in his heart regardless of if we see it or not?
Interesting thoughts...
funny thing. in the middle of the night, i had a nightmare adn satan attacked me hardcore with fear. Honestly, i was scared shitless. But then god reminded me that the battle is not mine and all i need to do is simply ask him to fight it for me, then rest in His peace. rest in faith, knowing he will protect me. And i did, i said, Father, you are stronger than this, and you are with me and will protect me. and then i rolled over nd fell asleep in like 5 minutes, after being scared for like half hour. Crazy how big our god is, huh?
OH! and then last night, i was thinking about soemthing, and was like::: god, i need confirmation...::: and at work i had like two random conversations with people totally confirming and encouraging me in the decision i felt to take.... more to come on that later....
anyways, god is amazing. thats all there is to it.
posted by Sarah Stevens @ 2:43 PM
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