cold feet.

So is it possible to get cold feet about something other than your wedding night?

hmmm.. cuz i think i have them.

So today i was driving and thinking about all the stress that has come into my life since i decided to go to school. and the crazy question popped into my head....

am i really doing this for me?

or am i doing it to prove soemthing, or cuz the rents want me to or the rest of the family? or am i doing this cuz its ::just what i should do::

i hate those little rebellious thoughts that like to make me change my plans right before i do something big. its my chronic problem. to eff everything up right before something big happens.

wow- the more i take an objective look at myself the more i realize i am a complete disaster. not to the point of unfixable because nobody is that far gone, d i am working on it. but im definitely far FAR from perfect. and i hate processes, and transistion, and waiting for things to happen. i feel like the last few weeks have been me simply holding on and watching my life play itself out. and its not over yet. one day at a time, one day at a time.... dont forget to breathe.

anyways, im back in my little pullman house adn the wind is blowing like crazy, my boyfriend is at work in hawaii, and everyone else is probably busy, and so i have tons of time to think.

just like nikki and my mom said i should take advantage of...

so i am taking advantage of it. yuuppp.. i should clean or something, but i just dont want to....
xosss