the life lessons of this weekend...

Funny how one weekend can totally change the way you see so many things....

I have decided that its time to get out of here. No, not in a run away sort of way, but in the sense that it is the time for me to start MY life and leave behind the things that hold me back.

But one of the hardest things is that it feels like a lot of people dont understand. I thought it was hilarious (in a cynical, sad sort of way) that some people would suggest that i go back and talk to ::him:: at the church. And its sad, because they obviously dont see it. And its reasonable that they dont. they havent been there long enough. But its so hard to be sitting on the sidelines and seeing people chose to be blind (not to say that this person is choosing that, but many people are...)

I've spent so much time in my life looking back adn dealing with the past. And i know its not over, but i really feel like god is saying ::move on. Nows not the time to look back::: and the only way to move on is to get out of this place that holds so many memories, so many realtionships that can no longer be, so many hurts.... And i dont want to leave behind the good stuff, but it so funny... the good stuff never leaves you, even when you are miles away. And so often we CHOOSE to bring the bad shhhtttuuufff along, rather than simply putting it down and walking away.

And yes, before i completely walk away, i will find myself telling someone exactly how i feel. but nows not the time.... because, as i told my friend the other day, and she told someone else, God has grace for my process and thats what i am living under...

and when you foocus on the process and the grace HE gives, theres a freedom. I was able to go to a church yesterday, because i was ready, so i didnt feel any condemnation or feel forced, because i was ready.

But when it becaomes :::you HAVE TO go to church because GOD SAYS!::: it becomes merely legalism and people are turned into Objects and Projects to be conquered and won over from ::THE DARK SIDE:: rather than living souls with pain that binds them and holds them captive.

Here is My song for this phase...

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words

And sing out loud

Cuz everyone is forgiven now

Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again