I know.. I sound like a freak... its about my dog...
but i'm basically obsessing about getting a dog. Like a lot. And its really weird to me as to why this is so important... so lets all take a journey...
it started when i was little adn i wanted a puppy. and shawn said i couldnt have one. but that was all i ever wanted, honestly, more than anything.
Thne we got lasse (not NOT after the collie, and YES after my family...) I remeber the first time i saw her... my dad had worked a job and had found out that her family wanted to get rid of her, and my dad said he wanted to take her. So i begged and begged to get to go when my dad picked her up, and he said yes. it was love at first site.
She was a big German shepherd mix that looked super scary, yet she was the sweetest thing when you went up to her. and the only time she ever bit was when my dad picked her up to put her in the truck. and we brought her home and like i said, i loved her.
And i remeber playing with her for hours. i wanted to have a horse so i'd get her leash and set up jumps in my yard and try and teach her how to jump. poor thing... surpirsed she didnt hate me for it. And we used to play tag for ever. and tug of war til she made me laugh so hard i couldnt pull anymore, in which case she would drop the toy and roll over begging to get her belly rubbed. I didnt have siblings, and i wasnt spoiled with gameboys and tvs. so i played with my dog.
And as i got older, she went on my first long walk, my first all day outing to the beach, all of it. And i was never scared with her there, cuz i knew she'd kill before she let anything happen to me. I remeber seeing her in guard dog training. she ripped the guys jacket off and he actually had to run for his life.
But she would never just hurt anyone, and everyone would always say how beautiful she was, and peoples heads would always turn when they saw her, cuz she was gorgeous. i would just wrap my arms around her and say all my thoughts or cry or giggle, and shed just sit there and
chill. She was my friend when i was such a childhood disaster that i physically, mentally and emotionally couldnt have any.
and then she began to get older. and id go out to feed her in the morning, and i began to wonder every morning if today would be the day she wouldnt wake up.
and one morning, she couldnt stand up to say hi. and she tried adn fell down. so she tried again and fell, her left side completely useless. and i knew it, i had to let her go and quickly cuz she was hurting. and i brought her in teh house and called my mom and we both knew it was over. and my mom asked me, ::: do you want to put her down?::: adn i said ::Yes, adn find a way to do it today.:: When i said it, i didnt have any idea that a year later id be crying just remebering it.
so we did that night. i had thought i was going to be able to go to class adn hang out with someone afterward. somehow i thought that i could just say good by to my baby and friend for 12 years and move on. the minute i saw her get taken into the vet, i broke. i couldnt listen to what the vet said, i was crying adn trying so hard to NOT cry. :::its just dog. its just a dog:: i kept trying to tell myelf, but that didnt work at all...
and when the vet came to give her the injection i pulled all her 100 pounds on my lap and buried my head in her fur and cried so hard i wanted to puke. As i felt her get heavier adn heavier i wanted to tell them to stop, but it is a wierd feeling to see something and feel something that is already finished and you cant stop it. I sat there for half and hour after she was gone cuz i couldnt actually let her go. and then to leave her in that vet room was so hard.
but life went on and i went away and didnt have to think about it cuz i was too busy..
And now a year later, i talk about her and still choke up. adn i decided i needed to just write it all and get it out, adn im a big snotty mess right now. So if you see the big collar on my rear veiw mirror, shut the fuck up, cuz you have no idea what that dog was to me.
and maybe thats why a dog is so important, because they love you. no matter what you say or how mad you are, they are still there with their big eyes just wanting to love on you and for you to love them....
damn, the world would be a different place if we all made our need for love as obvious and begged for it like dogs do.
it started when i was little adn i wanted a puppy. and shawn said i couldnt have one. but that was all i ever wanted, honestly, more than anything.
Thne we got lasse (not NOT after the collie, and YES after my family...) I remeber the first time i saw her... my dad had worked a job and had found out that her family wanted to get rid of her, and my dad said he wanted to take her. So i begged and begged to get to go when my dad picked her up, and he said yes. it was love at first site.
She was a big German shepherd mix that looked super scary, yet she was the sweetest thing when you went up to her. and the only time she ever bit was when my dad picked her up to put her in the truck. and we brought her home and like i said, i loved her.
And i remeber playing with her for hours. i wanted to have a horse so i'd get her leash and set up jumps in my yard and try and teach her how to jump. poor thing... surpirsed she didnt hate me for it. And we used to play tag for ever. and tug of war til she made me laugh so hard i couldnt pull anymore, in which case she would drop the toy and roll over begging to get her belly rubbed. I didnt have siblings, and i wasnt spoiled with gameboys and tvs. so i played with my dog.
And as i got older, she went on my first long walk, my first all day outing to the beach, all of it. And i was never scared with her there, cuz i knew she'd kill before she let anything happen to me. I remeber seeing her in guard dog training. she ripped the guys jacket off and he actually had to run for his life.
But she would never just hurt anyone, and everyone would always say how beautiful she was, and peoples heads would always turn when they saw her, cuz she was gorgeous. i would just wrap my arms around her and say all my thoughts or cry or giggle, and shed just sit there and
chill. She was my friend when i was such a childhood disaster that i physically, mentally and emotionally couldnt have any.
and then she began to get older. and id go out to feed her in the morning, and i began to wonder every morning if today would be the day she wouldnt wake up.
and one morning, she couldnt stand up to say hi. and she tried adn fell down. so she tried again and fell, her left side completely useless. and i knew it, i had to let her go and quickly cuz she was hurting. and i brought her in teh house and called my mom and we both knew it was over. and my mom asked me, ::: do you want to put her down?::: adn i said ::Yes, adn find a way to do it today.:: When i said it, i didnt have any idea that a year later id be crying just remebering it.
so we did that night. i had thought i was going to be able to go to class adn hang out with someone afterward. somehow i thought that i could just say good by to my baby and friend for 12 years and move on. the minute i saw her get taken into the vet, i broke. i couldnt listen to what the vet said, i was crying adn trying so hard to NOT cry. :::its just dog. its just a dog:: i kept trying to tell myelf, but that didnt work at all...
and when the vet came to give her the injection i pulled all her 100 pounds on my lap and buried my head in her fur and cried so hard i wanted to puke. As i felt her get heavier adn heavier i wanted to tell them to stop, but it is a wierd feeling to see something and feel something that is already finished and you cant stop it. I sat there for half and hour after she was gone cuz i couldnt actually let her go. and then to leave her in that vet room was so hard.
but life went on and i went away and didnt have to think about it cuz i was too busy..
And now a year later, i talk about her and still choke up. adn i decided i needed to just write it all and get it out, adn im a big snotty mess right now. So if you see the big collar on my rear veiw mirror, shut the fuck up, cuz you have no idea what that dog was to me.
and maybe thats why a dog is so important, because they love you. no matter what you say or how mad you are, they are still there with their big eyes just wanting to love on you and for you to love them....
damn, the world would be a different place if we all made our need for love as obvious and begged for it like dogs do.
posted by Sarah Stevens @ 10:19 PM
1 Comments:
At 10:36 AM,
Nikki said…
I'm sitting the library at school, and I'm almost teary-eyed. That was touching (and I'm not being sarcastic)
I hope you get your dog soon
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