And nows the part i eat my words...

so yah... exactly what i feel now.

so i thought it had changed, ya know? I thought its waaaaayyy overa dn that i had moved on, but i realized somehting in all my thinking and crazybrain.

at this point, my best friend is simply that I cant see myself with him forever

but the other one, i think i can.... no, i know i can. ive spent 8 months thinking about this question.

and then i reaized somehting. maybe i was the one who did all this and maybe he wasnt the jerk id like to think he was... since im always assuming the worst about the people i care about most. stupid me.

basically around here, they do things weird and you dont know anythings going on until... well after they go adn talk to your leader who talks to you. basically, they dont come to you.

then i realized that my leader had actually come to me and talked to me about all this. and in that day, in that week, i was horrible. so i said i couldnt handle it. and i said ... yah, that i didnt want it.

Stupid me!

why do i do things like that?

and now i bet i ruined everything and he probably thinks i hate him. thats when you say simply one phrase...

shit happens.

and one other one...

STUPID ME!