when you dont know where to go next.

i guess my life is summed up by one little three letter word: WHY?

i hate where im at right now. i hate the conviction of knowing all the "right" answers, but having this crazy stupid impulse to find out for myself. to find out the why's of life.

and im seeing all the reasons and i know that im in a bad place, and i know that ill never get out of it til i take my life and say ::im done trying myself. take it all:: and then i make the decisions i need to. say goodbye to people. let things go. chose to grow up.

and i hope that maybe another move will do that. maybe this time will be different.

and i always hope that a new town, new place will ::fix:: me, and it never does. but i always hope.

and i wish i could just listen to people. but i dont. people tell me what i need to do and what i should do and where i should be, and im tired of it. and yet, i get lost on my own.

sometimes i wonder why people still love me. the people who stick around me. for some odd reason they do their best for me, then i say :;thats great, but im gonna do my own thing.::: and time after time, i end up coming back saying ::you were right! why am i such an idiot sometimes!?:::

so... siiiggghhhhh.

shes learning. slowly and the hard way. but ill get there.

and just to let you all know- i will be moving back to tacoma. for at least a year. college isnt working out for me. plus i am not 100% sure what i wanna do, so why spend 7000 dollars a semester to goof around and not go to class??

so im gonna go to Redken Professional salon Academy. cuz thats the one thing that has NEVER changed. :P and ill be living with the grandparents again which will be both good and hard all at the same time.

so ill be back around the first week in may.

and life will go on and change once more.

xosss