only real people are going to change the world.

so, the other day, i was driving and i got a call from my friend. we were talkign about stuff that had happened and what people were saying and i realzied something.
getting out of the crazy, conservative, uptight church was probably the best thing that has happened to me in the sense of teaching me who i really am. throughout this whole time in my life, i have gotten a whole new perspective of who jesus was and that he truly was amazing.
ive talked to so many people who have messed up, who are struggling and not sure what to do, and who are doing some pretty crazy things, and ive realized that im exactly where god wants me.
who are we to tell anyone that they are ::inferior:: or they are ::not following christ:: simply becuase they arent doing what we all grew up to believe as the one and only way to live? Im NOT saying that all truth is relative and lets just throw all our standards out the window- cuz it doesnty matter. but who are we to set standards for others?
ive realized that it truly is a relationship. and its a personal relationship, between us and christ. and so many times, we think we have to make converts and tell everyone all about jesus and how to get to heaven and how to live the ::chrsitian life.::
i think that we spend so much time trying to get people to where WE are, that we forget that they are people with struggles and pain too. whereas, when we simply take the time to love them, to hear about what they did last night- without telling them everything we think about it- and just listen to them, thats when christ shows through in us.
i mean, when they threw the lady who had committed adultery at jesus' feet, its not like he stood her up and grilled her about how wrong what she did was and how ::she has a problem with adultery:: NO! he said ::let hte only one with out sin, cast the first stone.::: and he let her go.
people dont need YOU or ME to tell them how horrible they are- hell, we all already know, dont you think- they need to be loved for who they are and know they arent alone.
i guess im just really passionate about this. i mean i see so many people who could impact so many people, but they think their ::ministry:: is simply preaching to the choir- talking to the same people, about the same thing, when most of them already know it.
and im not perfect, im not always strong, and yah- i do mess up. but honestly, if anyone came to me and asked me straight up what i was doing, id tell them, but not so they could bitch off at me, but so i could have a chance to be REAL. i have no shame in where im at, cuz i know that im constantly being renewed day by day, step by step. and how can you have a testimony if you spend all your time worrying about all the things you ::shouldnt do:: and freakign out about ::if:: you mess up. i think satan was really smart- the best way to keep people from christ is to keep them trying to strive for perfection, cuz then they get so caught up in that that they forget the millions who have no freaking idea where to START.
so i guess what seemed like the most horrible thing that could happen two years ago has been the thing that has saved me and my family. and now i can truly say that the more i see of the world, the more people i can hang out with in whatever circumastance, the more times i can be ME, each and everytime, i fall more and more for chrsit and the person he must have been. and who he is today.
if only we could all be so real, so humble and so loving all the time. si o si. (literal translation- yes or yes..)

Last night, I cried for Argentina...

So i guess its been a while since i gave yall an update... wow- where the heck do i start?

i had a pretty crazy weekend. i got to see a good friend from argentina all day saturday, which was super awesome. i forgot how much i love listening to him play guitar and sing. and to sing along... its been forever.

i chilled up in seattle friday night. which was interesting. but i had fun- i always do with my girl alex. i even had one of those ::it should be a song:: romance moments. one of those we met, said hi, he sang to me, and saved me from falling down the stairs (CUZ IT WAS DARK AND I COULDNT SEE... and had had a beer but only a little...) and then we said good bye, he did a little dance thing with me. it was cute. too bad im in love with someone else and he had a girlfriend.

sunday night i got to go to an argentine resurant with my dad. it was so fun. i honestly dont remeber the last time me and my dad went out to something fancy like that. it was so nice to just sit and chill and talk about life and everything god has ben shown me, adn what ive been learning. cuz there is un monton de cosas estoy apprendiendo.


this week has been crazy already and its only monday. im working doubles all week then tommorrow i hit the road for the biggest road trip of my life- tacoma to the dalles to pullman to grangeville to pullman to tacoma. in a week, and its probably about 25 hours of driving total. whoo=hoo.

guess what!

So on December 6th i think i'm going to imogen heap with nikki (thats still on right??).... then im spending the night in seattle and sleeping at my friends house the next day...

and then on decmeber 7th I"M GOING TO DEATH CAB with alex (i think...). front row seats, biatch!

bascially, ive been dying to go to that show since i heard about it....

holy crap... someone save me from dying im so excited.
xosss

3 weeks and counting...

wow- time is flying....

Venti wild sweet orange, with one passionfriut tea bag and two honeys please...

i think id love it if it weren't so darned hot!

anyways- crazy morning fo thinking a WHOOOLLLEEE bunch. i got online and started figuring out my class schedule for january. yeah totally forgot how frustrating and time consuming that can be. but i really missed it.

could someone please tell me if its pure insanity to try and take Biology, Chemistry, Sociology and Spanish (cuz i wasnt sure if those were enough... lol)

Im thinking of dropping the bio for fall, i really have to get my gpa up (yah- thanks to all my skipping buddies in the old tcc days...) and if im doing all that plus working, im going to go CRAZY!

im getting so excited, but also really stressed out about whats next. I mean- i love my little house adn the campus and i know its whats next, but when you sit down adn think about how much its gonna cost and what its gonna be like to live alone and stuff- well, it really really stresses me out.

but im really excited.

this weekend was actually really fun. i got to see the fam, which was soo good. Secret- if you put a pillow between you and your little sister, it cuts back the elbows to the face by like 80%! except for the one time she woke up in the middle of the night and i had completely forgotten who was sleeping next to me! yah- a little creepy....

anyways- heres to today, and taking it all one step at a time. now that i can actually drink my tea! YAY!

A before look to a crazy weekend...

So today i was sitting at work (cuz the downtown club is SOOO packed, i have NO time... sense the sarcasm...) and began thinking about my weekend and the next few weeks. work all day tomorrow, go straight to my aunts in seattle (have to find time in all that to do a million things before i leave...) leave at 7am for idaho. pick up my house key from pullman, spend the day with teh family on sunday, try and meet up with dave the geek on monday before 10am when i come home, open at 545 the next day. WOO-Hoo.... shoot me now. lol. luclily sleep wont be important as ill have hours in the car....

So this week has been a much needed break. ive actually had time to write a few letters, relax and sleep and rest. and it has been good. i realized i needed that break away from people all the time....

good bye

Im so excited i think i could blow up!

so next monday one of my closest bestest friends from argentina is coming up here!!! OMG!!!! im so stoked, AND i have the weekend of the 18th off and so im going to get to see him. im so excited, its insane!!

guess what else i found out? i actualyl can call micah, cuz hawaii is in teh United states (dur-dur-dur) and its not international!

HOLLLLLLAAAAA!!!!

i think im gonna exploxed.

S.A.D.

today i feel very blah.

stressed out. depressed. and scared to death.

and i know i can answer most of my own problems, and tell myself that i can do this and i know i can, but that doesnt make it look any scarier.

I had soemthing figured out, i knew what i wanted and i was so content with it, content to wait for it and not worry about it. but then...

what do you do when someone walks back in your life and for some reason all these things come up and then your left standing there with a box of feelings in your hands. and then, when they come in, the plans you had suddenly turn crazy and unreachable. and so you live that day adn everyone has their ideas of what you should do, some are welcomed, some are not, and some simply stress you out.

and then one day, i figured it out, and thought i got the issue back up on the shelf where i had it so neatly put before. but no... ive spent the days thinking and wondering and dreaming and wishing and telling my self that it is over and that theres something better.

and dont get me wrong- i truly do WANT it. but the questions and stuff still come up. and i know that if i give in, ill regret it forever. and i also know that ive blown this once and i the very LAST things i want is to blow it again, simply cuz im looking somewhere else.

then theres moving out... and i know that its time, and i know its what i want, and i know im gonna make it. and i know that in a few years, ill be able to look back and see that all this was worth it, but thats not really comforting in the moment. i look at other people, who have all this stuff covered- rent, phone, car, all that. and im like ::why cant i have that?:: but then i realize that this is good for me. another growing pain that means youre growing up.

i miss having no bills, nothiung holding you back. just a car and open road and when you werent faced with all these crazy life decisions and you could just take a day off and leave. when the hardest decision was who to hang out with that night.

i miss the innocence of being 15 again. when things were black and white, adn you were ok with that. the lines were clear, and they seemed like theyd be perfect forever and so easy to stay in. Prince charming would no doubt be the first one to steal your heart, the first one to kiss you, the first one. heart break would never happen to me. and if he didnt have a white horse, hed have a big bad ass white truck. and if he was far away- oh well, it would add to the fairy tale, and id be this princess that turned everyones advances down gracefully and bravely. and it would be everything but painful. and there ya go. and going to college would be super easy, classes would take work, but everyting else would be a breeze. and id have the car of my dreams, and someday id have my own little place and id walk into it, furnished, set up and ready for me to have my laughs and tears. no strings.

but actually, thats not how it all comes down. life is hard and independence is not this thrilling adventure full of pure fun that i figured. dont get me worng, it is an adventure and it has its fun parts, but its also really scary.

i miss that.

but times and seasons. things change and you cant be a baby forever.

and in my heart, i wouldnt change this for anything. but i guess i just need to be reminded ill make it today...