Sometimes all you can say is ::what the hell just happened?!::

So... i dont even know where to start. damn it, i hate when that happens!
this week has been a crazy blur where i felt like everyday i woke up and said :::ok, God, You do the driving and i'll roll with the punches...::: only most of it wasnt punches... it was more like drinking a margarita, where every taste is amazing, with a little bite a the end that makes you want more...
It weird to sit here and look back on everything that has happened, and think of how everything i've needed has just been given to me by random people and from places i dont expect. the things i needed and things that i never even let my self dream would actually happen. Like gas money. lol- my car has been on less than half a tank all week, but i havent ever run out. talk about living on the edge. right before i go :;oh shit, i need gas:: someone has popped in and said ::heres some gas money:: or ::merry christmas!:: its crazy how that works.
and today i was driving home and all i could think about was how freaking blessed i am. its been so hard these last few months living with no money, feeling like my parents have written me off, wondering if god even cared anymore and why he wasnt pulling through even tho i was doing my best. I cried on christmas eve as i was talking to my grandma, i just broke down like a total basketcase, and all i could think was ::where the hell is god? and how much longer do i have to wait before he gets his act together? this is not helping me hold it all together:: I've been in ::sarah the fighter:: mode for so long, and i never realized how tired of trying to make shit happen, and trying to keep my head above water on my own will and stubborness alone, til my grandma hit me with ::sarah, dont lose heart, its gonna be ok::: dont know why, but telling me ::its gonna be ok:: is a sure fire way to break me down.
and i sat there and leveled it out with god. its amazing how well he knows where our limits are and sometimes i think he loves to push us there, just so we can be blown away by the way he comes to rescue us.
i love being the princess.
oh- and by the way, i have the most amazing friends ever. id have gone crazy without you. and guess what? you all better not mess with me, cuz i know this guy thats gonna kick your ass if you do... :)
xosss

Leaving on a jet plane...

actually in a honda... we dont have internet in our house yet, so it may be a few days or a week until we get that sorted out...

so today i head out of our beloved t-town... Im driving up to seattle tonight and ill be there through sunday morning, then i hit the road to head to my house in pullman. its crazy that im actually finally doing this. im definitely a little nervous and have no idea how im gonna manage to pay my bills after losing my job. but i guess thats what makes this an adventure.

So many of you i havent got to see yet and that makes me sad. but ill be back home around december 20th ish ish. and if i dont have a job ill be staying up here til new years. but im really praying i get a job soon. i need one REAL bad. anyways- ill still have my phone and you all are always welcome over at my house anytime. so dont forget it.

i love you!! and promise you wont forget me, ok??

Dial-up, being "let go" and unexpected visits...

First of all, i hate dial up internet. my grandparents left on a cruise and my dad shut down the dsl. my grandparents didnt want to pay for internet they werent gonna use. WHAT ABOUT ME!? so its really been a great experience to sit and WAIT for 10 minutes just for the blog page to open. thats why i am at the library now and basically said eff that.

second- for those of you who havent talked to me- they decided to "make friday my last day" at Curves. yah- the place ive poured 4 years of my life into, the place that has been my second home, yah-that place. and it was all without warning, on stuff that i have never been confronted on, basically all because i knew my rights and got upset about the fact they werent paying me. aw manager asked me to come in adn work, and she forgot to change the schedule. and the next day, i sent in a report about a conversation i heard on the circiut where 6 ladies were very upset at the general manager cuz she handled a serious situation COMPLETELY outta line.

the next day i get fired. no shit sherlock!

anyways, so im prety much freakign out. i asked my dad for some gas money and he freakign refused. i dont understand. i feel like he thinks i TRIED to get fired. its really frustrating that hes being such an ass. but you gotta love him, right? and i do, hes just making me frustrated.... very.

and then, i get a call wednesday from the family and they decided they wanted to pop in for a few days and completely ruined all my plans for the weekend.

i guess right now, i feel like all the world is against me, so it makes me wanna fight all the world and retreat back into my little shell. but i know that that is not a good idea.

but i want to.

bleh.